So my mental health has been declining, badly. Now lately, I've been living with a guy from work and his girlfriend. I use to consider him one of my best friends, but ever since he went to the day shift and became a department manager and started hanging out with the bitches and assholes on days he's started being more of a jerk. I've been too nice and have been letting him use my truck because his car broke and it costs too much to fix it. Well, two weeks turned into two months and then I find out he'd been driving with an expired license and he's probably not insured to drive my truck. So I stood up to him about it cuz he has my keys 24/7 and I shouldn't have to ask to use my own truck. Then he turned it all around on me and said I was laying a guilt trip on him and that if it's going to put a strain on our friendship that I could move out. And I've moved 6 times since my parents lost the house, I don't want to have to move again. I broke down and started crying at work because he had text this all to me. And I just can't handle moving again.

If I was to move again I wanted it to be to Los Angeles. And I couldn't stand up for myself in the end because I folded and let him win. He brings friendship and shit into and makes me look like the bad guy. Which apparently at work, everyone is on my side. I just don't want to have to move again. I am so tired, I am tired of my life. I wanted to kill myself the other night. LOL, my bosses could care less, they told me to try not to think about it and focus on my work. Walmart is heartless of course. I want to leave all of my possessions behind and just leave and take my truck. I don't care if I don't have a transfer or anything, I need out of here before I kill myself. I've been thinking about how I'd do it. I have no money saved to move either. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've been holding onto the thought of Dianna Agron to help me through all of this, she's been my light in the darkness. But that's slowly slipping away. Dianna would think I'm crazy and pathetic that I need help, which I do. All I want is to move to Los Angeles, go to film school, get a job in the entertainment industry and be happy. But I have no family or friends down there. I don't have any money saved, I don't have the GPA to get into a college down there.

My truck sucks as it is, even if I try driving down there it'll cost a ton in gas and it might break down. I'm just so tired, I'm exhausted of my life. I'm exhausted trying to take care of myself. I'm tired of myself. I don't know what to do, it seems like no one can help me. I don't want to kill myself, part of me wants to die. Maybe it's the monster inside me that wants to die. I feel like I'm suffering all the time. I feel things too much, it's too much for me to handle. I feel trapped in this town, in this job, with so called friends. My light in the darkness has faded away and I have nothing.