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Blaidd Drwg
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Heartbreak For Six Seasons

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 29, 2009, 11:21 AM
So how do you tell someone that the reason you're depressed is because it's them? Though it may not be their fault, though they didn't intend it. But in the end it is that person, the one person that made you feel like you were worth something. Made you feel like you were meant to be happy and be alive here and now. The person you put so much trust in, put a god's faith in. Stuck by their side no matter how much it hurt or tore you down. Believed in every word they said. That in the end to that very person it was all a lie. Every promise. Only to end up used and heart broken. Because in the end he really wouldn't take me with him when he leaves. That he really doesn't care. Because the fact is you just weren't enough for him.

That all I really want for my birthday is to spend the day with you. And you have no clue. And no matter how many tears I cry and how much I try to hate him. I just can't get over the feelings of my first love. So I can't hate him, only myself. I let my guard down and let myself get hurt. And so, how can people go through this, how do people survive? How can you let someone into your world and expect them to be their everyday? Then one day, they're gone. It feels like the person I saw him as, the person I thought he'd be, he is dead. So I'm mourning his death rather then getting over him, it feels.

Though we're still friends. And though the little times we are together, he feels like a ghost like I feel numb. Too afraid to move or talk. Because if I let him in again. He'll abandon me and his promise to take me with him when he leaves will just be another lie. Was I ever the only reason he still stayed in this town? If he can't let go of his past how can I? Because if loving him despite all he put me through and sticking by his side wasn't enough to let him know I'd never hurt him. That I'd always be there for him couldn't let him love me. Then the real reason I'm depressed, the reason I can't sleep or eat or function, is you. Because you're going to abandon me and nothing you said was true. Because it still hurts me to love you when you can't love me.





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11 Comments
  • Mood: Suffering
  • Listening to: Daphne Loves Derby - Hopeless Love
  • Reading: He's Just Not That In To You
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Devious Comments

love 3 3 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 1 1 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconblack-wolf-mage:
~Black-Wolf-Mage Jun 29, 2009, 1:28:38 PM
Been there hun.
The best thing you can do is distract yourself, and with him be as ok as can be or to make him realise just how much he's hurt you.
That happened to me earlier this year. After making me wait a week he said it wasnt enough. Crushed me, but here i am today.
Just try and be strong, but by no means bottle it all up hun.
Hope you're ok x x x

--
We Can Play It Safe Or Play It Cool Follow The Leader Or Make Up All The Rules x
:iconbefore-i-sleep:
Mood: Love =Before-I-Sleep Jun 29, 2009, 8:29:50 PM
I know, I'm going to try. :nod:

--
"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words...I scatter them, in time and space." - Rose Tyler, Doctor Who
:iconfujiwara-08:
~fujiwara-08 Jun 30, 2009, 3:01:14 AM
>_> oh my gah...I hope you're ok now...

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:iconbefore-i-sleep:
Mood: Love =Before-I-Sleep Jun 30, 2009, 6:05:38 AM
I'll be fine. :aww:

--
"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words...I scatter them, in time and space." - Rose Tyler, Doctor Who
:iconblack-wolf-mage:
~Black-Wolf-Mage Jun 30, 2009, 11:50:37 AM
Awesome =]

--
We Can Play It Safe Or Play It Cool Follow The Leader Or Make Up All The Rules x
:iconbakayashaeclipse:
*BakayashaEclipse Jun 30, 2009, 7:57:45 PM
*hug* Unfortunately this is all I can offer. I've been through some hard stuff but I don't think I can really understand what you're going through. You can make it though, so just keep it up. As cheesy as it sounds, things will work out.

--
The gene pool needs chlorine.
:iconbefore-i-sleep:
Mood: Love =Before-I-Sleep Jun 30, 2009, 8:28:04 PM
Thanks, I'll try my hardest. :nod:

--
"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words...I scatter them, in time and space." - Rose Tyler, Doctor Who
:iconladyley:
!LadyLey Jul 2, 2009, 7:10:07 PM
Aww, I am sorry to hear that. You ask a good question though. I mean, I have had the problem where people have hurt me and they never acknowledge it, and then I am left to just deal and try to recover, and they go on and be happy, thinking they did nothing wrong. What is even worse is if they blame you in some way, but I might be getting off the point. I understand, it really hurts. Time is on your side though, I mean it really does heal things, even if it is just a little.

--
Goodbye everyone! I will miss you!

:tea: :fish: :sun: :peace: :tunes: :star: :teddy: :coffeecup: :rose:
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Journal History

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Kitties Are Love :kitty:

Shoutbox

~TwinWolfSister:iconTwinWolfSister:
turn to the Doctor He'll always help... its what i did.
Mon Dec 21, 2009, 4:24 PM
~00Panda00:icon00Panda00:
raaaaaaaaaaaaaaahry
Wed Jul 1, 2009, 1:55 AM
~patrengkee:iconpatrengkee:
RAWRRR
Sun May 24, 2009, 8:31 AM
~TwinWolfSister:iconTwinWolfSister:
Get well soon!
Thu Feb 19, 2009, 2:33 PM
~DaemonHikage:iconDaemonHikage:
Wheeeeeeeeeee!
Sat Dec 20, 2008, 12:06 PM
~SabakunoSteff:iconSabakunoSteff:
vbstrngytnsdgt xD
Sat Oct 11, 2008, 8:47 AM
*storyseamstress:iconstoryseamstress:
Love your stamp collection!!! Love Doctor Who!!! :D
Tue Jul 1, 2008, 6:35 AM
~dalek111:icondalek111:
hiya DOCTOR WHO RULES:glomp:
Mon May 19, 2008, 4:02 AM
~dalek111:icondalek111:
hiya DOCTOR WHO RULES:glomp:
Mon May 19, 2008, 4:02 AM
*Zero-x-Yuki-club:iconZero-x-Yuki-club:
HAPPY SPEICAL DAY!! XD
Tue May 13, 2008, 4:00 AM
~Saji-Chan:iconSaji-Chan:
Aww.. the shout box is unloved. *loves!*
Sun Jan 27, 2008, 8:12 PM
~AishaLeHerisson:iconAishaLeHerisson:
Merry Christmas. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
Tue Dec 25, 2007, 1:05 PM
=Before-I-Sleep:iconBefore-I-Sleep:
Thanks everyone!!
Tue Dec 25, 2007, 1:04 AM
~Miyakei:iconMiyakei:
HAPPY XMAS AND MERRY NEW YR :D
Mon Dec 24, 2007, 9:21 PM
*all-cried-out:iconall-cried-out:
wuooooaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh~
Mon Dec 10, 2007, 2:17 AM

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