Dear Dianna

Dear Dianna.

So I'm sitting here listening to the soundtrack to The Perks of Being a Wallflower, in a small NorCal town in which nothing exciting ever happens, and suddenly I’m hit with the inspiration to finally get around to writing to you. Merely because I so strongly wanted you to know how much you’ve helped me. I’ve stumbled upon a bout of courage which does not come easily to me. I suppose it’s another one of those things I find myself seeking out quite often.  You, yourself, have been quite the inspiration to me. In all my struggles, my ups and my downs, I’ve always found great inspiration from you. I’ve learned…I’m still learning, to love myself. I fight insecurities and a sadness that at times seems too great an obstacle for me to handle.

But I am still here, albeit surviving, or so it seems. I look forward to the day where it doesn’t feel like just surviving, its living life. I’m working on a lot of things, how not to be so pessimistic, to not put myself down, to see more of the beauty in everything around me instead of the ugly. Ever since I discovered you, I’ve seen all the light and magic that seems to filter through you to everyone that adores you. I’ve found myself wanting to be even more of a better person. To be even more compassionate and kind, to better understand this world we live in. To take risks, exploring things I was too afraid to grasp at. Even when I feel like it’s too late to reach my dreams that giving up would be so much easier, its people like you that keep people like me fighting.

I was a very sad girl; I have these scars that at times I’m embarrassed about. Yet I stuck this “Let Love In” tattoo right above them to remind myself to love myself and that it’s alright to let others love me and it’s ok for me to learn to love again. In my search for reassurance and the courage to tell you all this I discovered quite a few of your fans who thought that they were alone in the fact that you have saved them. They came to me relieved after reading my tiny little story, almost vindicated. So many people have looked to you for inspiration; you are idolized and loved by so many lives. I guess what I really want to say is thank you, thanks for being so you.

You’re a person’s reason to live. I almost feel infinite. This all feels so cliché but I’m not going to give up on life or myself and it’s all thanks to you. It’s like when you’re grasping in the dark for anything to hold onto its people like you that make me feel like it’s alright for me to be alive. The last song on this soundtrack is ending and I’ve realized how long it’s taken me to write this I’m almost self-conscious about it. I just hope that what I was trying to say reached you in a way that didn’t make me come off a little weird. So I’m going to live, laugh, and love my life. Thank you.

Gratefully,
Kaily